Mother, Please Help!

Today's Word

extempore  \ik-STEM-puh-ree\, adverb:   Without  premeditation  or  preparation;  on  the  spur of the moment.  adjective:   Done or performed extempore.

Inside my soul. I'm at the saddest point in my life, ever!  I feel lost.  Lost in the world.  I feel as though its midnight and I've reached a dead end road in life with nowhere to turn with no map.  I can't seem to figure out what I did wrong, where I made a mistake which would have such a significant adverse impact on my life.!  To the best of my knowledge or recollection, I've not acted carelessly, wrecklessly, haphazardly, or extemporily.  I do know I innocently and lovingly mistook Jerome for being someone who was loving and kind to me, when now with the power of that crystal vision I mentioned in an earlier post, I believe in actuality he wanted to be "kind and loving" but was unable because his craving of materialism, elitist image, and his propensity for pathological lying superceded his heart.  I'm profoundly moved by this situation.  I don't know what will be next and that single thing frightens me immensely. 

Last night I went to Club Washington and its the last place I need to go/do RIGHT NOW!  I'm just so lonely and alone.  I need to be around people.  People to talk to.  People who'll make me feel better.  People who I'll get a sense of support from.  Everyone there is very nice to me.  Occasionally, whomever is on duty, will grant extension in time and that too, is something I don't need right now either. 

I suppose if my brother weren't a factor in this equation (this life situation), I'd maybe not be as worried as I am.  He, however has a severe mental illness, and I'm his caretaker and I can't get to a point where I can't take care of him.  Taking care of him requires me to be fully functional in ALL ways, including health, welfare, and financially.  He is unable to work and never has been in his entire life.   

Today I'm Grateful for:  The lessons I'm learning from this current situation.

READERS:  Your thoughts are VERY VERY IMPORTANTTO ME otherwise I'd not open my life to you like I do, particularily to those of you who have been given the link directly.  I offer my sincere thanks and appreciation for your comments about this posting.  Please click the link below to post them here.