Facing Reality With Sir John (Still A Best Friend)

Today's Word

trammel \TRAM-ul\  • noun  1 : a net for catching birds or fish  2 : something impeding activity, progress, or freedom : restraint—usually used in plural.

Today I had the first honestly raw conversation I've ever had with Sir John.  I'd pretty much resolved the fact that Sir John had not truly cared anymore about me.  We talked briefly on the phone this morning and he wanted me to meet him for coffee.  I couldn't because my mind was heavy with emotion surrounding my current situation and I also didn't want to spend $3 on a cup of coffee from STARBUCKS.  I sure could enjoy that cup of coffee though.  Instead, I asked him to come over to my place in the afternoon.

We talked about this situation I'm presently in and how its trammel-like qualities affect my quality of life, emotions, health, and more; just as if I were an exotic bird in a remote tropical jungle.  We also talked about what was on our minds about many issues, mostly those surrounding our "friendship" over the years.  Issues which to me, since the event involving his partner Gary and his reaction to my outreach to him around the holidays last year in support of Toonie's illness.  This conversation was so open, raw, and truthful that if you could invision it, one might consider it something maybe a butcher might see in doing his work.  This conversation was so intensely emotional that I trembled, shook, and had involuntary muscular reactions.

I had to have this conversation with him because I'm an honest man and have to exercise fairness.  I want him to know how I've been feeling about him, Gary, and the route our friendship has taken over the past year or so.  I also wanted to tell him how much pain I'm in from believing he let me down when I needed him most.

Today I'm Grateful for:  Tim and Denise

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