What A Day, What A Night! I've Got A Heavy Mind Right Now!

Word of the day: lagniappe \LAN-yap\ noun: a small gift given a customer by a merchant at the time of a purchase; broadly : something given or obtained gratuitously or by way of good measure.

Here it is 2:24AM and I haven't fell asleep yet.  There's a lot on my mind tonight.  I don't know what to talk about first.

1.  I want to be in Bristol.  At my home there.

2.  I love Jeff, my brother.  He depends greatly on me.  I'm his world.  He's mine.

3.  I don't know what to think of accepting this new job.  It means that much longer I'll be away from Bristol.

 4. I want to be more tender and loving to Jeff.

5.  His new diagnosis is difficult for me.  I can only imagine what its like for him.  I feel down deep in my soul the turmoil he is dealing with.  GOD BLESS HIM!  Please GOD, BLESS HIM!

6.  How do I show more compassion, kindness, love, understanding, patience, and support to him?

7.  I want to be the best brother he could possibly ever have.

8.  It worries me that Jeff doesn't go to Clubhouse like he should.

9.  It worries me that he stays shut up in his house by himself. 

NOW I"M CRYING!  I LOVE JEFF.  I PROMISED MOTHER I"D TAKE GREAT CARE OF HIM.  I FEEL AS THOUGH I'VE LET HIM, HER, AND MYSELF DOWN.

I'm sitting here in this cold car.  Jeff's car.  He's letting me use it until I can get one of my own.  That'll be soon, hopefully.   But only after I get my debt to Sandy repaid.  She's been a true "FRIEND" to me.  I CANNOT let her down.  She's the best friend I've ever had.  Ever will have.  I must protect that.  I cherish the relationship between Sandy and myself.  Its special to me.  I believe it is to her as well.

I wish I had someone I could talk with.  A friend like Jaime.  He shows such genuine care and concern for me.  I'm grateful for that.  He's one of the few play buddies who goes that extra mile for me.  It makes me sad that I've missed his shows lately.  I want to go to them, but they've been on weekends when I'm in Bristol.  I can't afford to stay here during the weekends.  Thats one of the reasons I've bee travelling back and forth to Bristol so often, asides from being in my home I love.