This Is My Father (July 9, 1927- March 12, 1982)

Word of the day: elan  \ay-LAHNG (the "NG" is not pronounced, but the vowel is nasalized)\ noun: vigorous spirit or enthusiasm.

Do you think I have a resemblance of my father?  I think he sure was a damn good-looking man in this military photo. 

He and I never had a healthy father-son relationship.  I believe he may have had a number of mental health issues which were self-managed, medicated, or otherwise by his alcoholism and frequent and regular demonstration of his propensity for use of violence and abuse as a power and control tool. I've tried to forgive him many many times and will continue to do so.  So far I've been wholly unsuccessful but have gained some insight and understanding into who he was and why his behavior was the way it was.  I continue to strive for success in forgiveness.  Forgiveness of him is a goal in my life.  I hope I find the day I forgive.  Its in no one's better interest that I forget.  This was the most painful, marked, influential and brutal love in my life.

Throughout my life's journey.  My personal experiences have helped me to gain appreciation for the factors that may have caused his alcoholism, violence, and brutality.  They are:

1.  Lack of education.

2.  Poverty.

3.  Hopelessness.

4.  Anger.

5.  Grief.

6.  Nescience.

7.  War

8.  Death and dying.

9.  Rural environment.

10.  Limited social support network

11.  Inability to understand and accept mental health issues and the lack of courage to reject social stigmas associated with mental health

12.  Someone reassuring him its OK to talk about mental health.  That mental health is a disease like diabetes, cancer, or any other.

13.  Sense of personal failure.

14.  Inability to express paternal love for his children and the love of a husband to his wife.